Scars

Dear Wicked Me,
      I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut. My weakness is that I care to much. And our scars remind us that the past is real. I tear my heart open just to feel.
      I see my scars every day. I t kills me knowing I did that to myself, and it didn't even help.I see them and I know that what i did was real and not only did I hurt my self but others around me. I disappointed people who truly care about me. I thought this would help, thought it would be some sort of relief. But the truth is cutting did help me, it helped me tear through the film and pull me back into my life. Then it hurt, it hurt like hell. Then I felt worse ashamed. All I know now is if I can stop one person from making the dangerous choice that I made maybe it would help me heal. But I have tried this before. Helping this person just turned and back fired. I tried to get this girl help, tried to be her friend and her shoulder to cry on. But I guess you can only help the people who want to be saved.And I guess this girl did not want to be saved or helped. She went back to her old ways after about a month of being safe. Then her habits started coming back. Skipping class, having sex, drugs, alcohol, cutting. And I knew that i should help her again, but she was pulling away and not speaking... and this might make me a bad person but I gave up on her, when she gave up on herself.
        So here is my final message for this blog: No one should resort to cutting. It is a waste of time and later in life or shortly after the fog lifts it will be the greatest regret of all. You should also know that it can kill you. I would know because when i seeked help, they told me I had a blood Infection from my cuts and that the blood infection if not caught in time could kill me. Luckly I seeked help at the right time, cause I would have never forgave my self if I took my own life because reality was such a bummer! So just take the time to analyze, to talk to someone, to realize the wonderful person in the fog. because I can promise you IT DOES GET BETTER, with a change in heart it will get better!
Love,
Kyra
Ps. Maybe I will help that girl again, maybe she just needs someone to be there when she cries!

Untitled

Dear Wicked Me,
           I open my eyes i try to see but I'm blinded by the white light. I can't remember how, I can't remember why I'm lying here tonight. But I can't stand the pain. And I can't make it go away, No i can't stand the pain. How could this happen to me? I've made my mistakes. I got nowhere to run. the night goes on as I'm fading away. I'm sick of this life i just wanna scream. How could this happen to me?
         I don't remember when i got so depressed, I honestly don't know how I got this way, how I got depressed. Maybe it was when he left, not like I wasn't use to it. Or maybe when she started to work so much, I never saw her. Or was it all just my fault? I wonder where I am in my recovery, if i can even call this a recovery. I don't  know who's fault it is, if it is any one persons fault. And I do know one thing... I have no idea how I am going to get better.But for now all i can hope is that I never plant that stupid fake ass, oh I am okay smile on my face again. I can only hope to express myself and show my true colors. Also on my journey I hope I can learn to trust people again, and let go of the disappointment i have against others. But my biggest hope the one I want to come true the most I wish for a better tomorrow, and if  to I am going to live like it is my last day on this earth. I will dance as if no one is watching, and cherish each moment because each day I am given, should be treasured. This is what I will look forward to until I can finally say... I am Free, I am Healed, and I am Finally Okay!! and i know that each and everyday will be a challenge and I hope I have the courage to take on these challenges each and everyday until my wish comes true!
Love,
Kyra Wingstad

Starting Point

This is my very first blog! I dont know if anyone will ever see this, and i dont really care if anyone does! My name is Kyra Wingstad. I was born on the wonderful day of October 28. I live with my mother, my father was never really around but you will see that in my blog. I talk about him alot, and my baby sister, is kid not my mothers! I have always been an only child well until now. I am a dancer and a writer. Someday i hope to save someone like myself, someone who needs someone there just to say its okay to cry, but I mostly want any of my readers if i have readers is that, this was my journey to recovery. although I am still recovering this is my story, my life. If you relate great, but please dont judge. Dont say I did what i did for attention, or I am selfish... because I'm not. I just thought that this was my only way, I never wanted to hurt anyone...I still have problems with my scars and my fears. So please dont judge.
So here is how this blog is going to go.... most of the time I will start my blog off with a song sometimes it will be short and sweet, then sometimes it will be about my day or my life. And on the occasions that  i forget to post for a while I appologize. I am in High school sometimes it get crazy  busy.
But if i can say one last thing this is like my diary and it is personal. I am doing this to hopefully inspire someone, to give advice and to hopefully help myself get through this crazy thing called life!
Love,
Kyra!