Scars

Dear Wicked Me,
      I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut. My weakness is that I care to much. And our scars remind us that the past is real. I tear my heart open just to feel.
      I see my scars every day. I t kills me knowing I did that to myself, and it didn't even help.I see them and I know that what i did was real and not only did I hurt my self but others around me. I disappointed people who truly care about me. I thought this would help, thought it would be some sort of relief. But the truth is cutting did help me, it helped me tear through the film and pull me back into my life. Then it hurt, it hurt like hell. Then I felt worse ashamed. All I know now is if I can stop one person from making the dangerous choice that I made maybe it would help me heal. But I have tried this before. Helping this person just turned and back fired. I tried to get this girl help, tried to be her friend and her shoulder to cry on. But I guess you can only help the people who want to be saved.And I guess this girl did not want to be saved or helped. She went back to her old ways after about a month of being safe. Then her habits started coming back. Skipping class, having sex, drugs, alcohol, cutting. And I knew that i should help her again, but she was pulling away and not speaking... and this might make me a bad person but I gave up on her, when she gave up on herself.
        So here is my final message for this blog: No one should resort to cutting. It is a waste of time and later in life or shortly after the fog lifts it will be the greatest regret of all. You should also know that it can kill you. I would know because when i seeked help, they told me I had a blood Infection from my cuts and that the blood infection if not caught in time could kill me. Luckly I seeked help at the right time, cause I would have never forgave my self if I took my own life because reality was such a bummer! So just take the time to analyze, to talk to someone, to realize the wonderful person in the fog. because I can promise you IT DOES GET BETTER, with a change in heart it will get better!
Love,
Kyra
Ps. Maybe I will help that girl again, maybe she just needs someone to be there when she cries!